Healthy family relationships at Christmas

As mothers we should be looking forward to Christmas, savoring the opportunity to share time with our family away from work and other distractions. To ensure a merry Christmas for your entire family and to avoid arguments with your partner, the below suggestions may help you.

Negotiate how you’re going to spend your time

Parents put a great deal of pressure on themselves to give their kids the best Christmas ever. Often we don’t look at how we would like our Christmas to be, but the best way to protect your relationship is to talk with your partner early. You may both have very different priorities particularly when it comes to fitting in family and friends - try to avoid slipping into arguments about family obligations and in-laws. Watch out for that ‘here we go again’ feeling, negotiate well in advance how time will be spent and make an effort to understand the position of your partner. Patience, consideration and compromise are key.

Money worries

Money is one of the main causes of arguments for couples, so it helps to agree on a Christmas budget well in advance. Sit down with your partner and talk realistically about Christmas shopping and other expenditures. Children love everything about Christmas – the games, food, parties and especially the presents. However, do not allow yourself to feel pressured into spending huge amounts of money simply to please everyone - you may regret it next time you visit your bank.

Step-families

If your children will be spending Christmas away from you this year, think of all the ways you can keep in touch using text messages, email, MSN or even a web-cam. Talk to your children in advance about what Christmas will be like for all of you. Reassure them that you will be fine even though you will miss them, and encourage them to enjoy themselves. Keep in mind that the Christmas holidays are longer than just Christmas Day itself, so you can always plan some activities with your children for other days in the season. The presents you buy your children can send a very powerful message particularly if there is a marked difference in value. Therefore, ensure to liaise with your ex-partner or whoever they are staying with and buy gifts of similar values for the children to avoid any problems.

If you are spending your first Christmas as a new family, encourage everybody to talk about their expectations of the holiday season and reach an agreement about how everyone can spend their time well in advance. Step-families can be complicated, so try not to pile too much pressure on yourself and your family members for everything to be perfect.

Don’t forget the mistletoe

Throughout the Christmas period remember that you and your partner should be sharing the work – ask for support from each other, do small things for each other and spend time underneath the mistletoe!